


Crossroads

by Bxanie



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, F/F, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 04:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12100728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bxanie/pseuds/Bxanie
Summary: Kanan and Ruby exchange letters after a rough year for them.





	Crossroads

**Author's Note:**

> Lolol this is a self-indulgent vent fic sorry. I was writing fluff but this happened.

_“I want to find a place where I belong.”_

Kanan stood on the pier, watching the ferry she had been on leave once again to go back home. The seagulls above her were screeching loudly and the sea breeze caused the tie of her uniform to fling in different directions. 

How long ago did Ruby leave? Had it already been a month? It felt like she had still been here a month ago. Three months ago they were still holding hands, if Kanan was there with her. Everything was different now. She turned over, letting out a deep sigh as she started to walk in the direction of school.  She had to study hard, entrance exams were coming up in a month and she was still behind.

It did help that Aqours had disbanded after Ruby and Dia left, not that Kanan wanted to disband, but she had more time to catch up with everyone and study now. Once she got out of school she immediately dove into the library and started studying, she had to catch-up and make something out of her life after everything that had happened to her. She owed herself, and Ruby, that much.

“Kanan-san~~” She heard the familiar rolling off the tongue and a shiver ran down her spine. She looked to the side to find a guy standing there, leaning against the gate of her school. She sent him a dirty glare and continued to walk.

The guy was a member of the gang Kanan had started, months back. A gang that protected people around Uchiura from other gangs. Soon after Kanan started the gang, however, she left again, thanks to circumstances she’d rather not think about ever again.

“Are you just going to ignore me now? After all, I’ve done for you?” He said, pushing himself forward and towards Kanan, who continued to glare at him. “I left the gang months ago, I gave you leadership, figure it out yourself.”

Kanan stopped and looked over her shoulder back at him once he refused to leave. “You’re in charge now, Makoto, leave me alone, will you? My entrance exams are coming up and I actually want to keep my life together for once. Please.”

Kanan started making her way towards the school, even as the guy continued to call out to her, her thoughts lingered on only one person - Ruby.

What was she doing now?

* * *

 

_"I never wanted anyone else! I didn’t want Dia, I didn’t want You! All I ever wanted was you! But I was afraid of hurting you!”_

"Onee-chan? Do you have time?” Ruby called out to her sister. Her sister groaned and moved her head up from a pile of books, a piece of paper sticking to her face for a couple of seconds before dropping onto the floor next to some other books. College really seemed to be getting the best of her.

She reached down to collect the paper that had fallen to the ground and put it back on the stack, then she slowly turned around to look at Ruby, who was holding a stack of books in her own hands.

“T-They are using some difficult English terms in my math book, can you help me with that?” She asked, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to her sister. She stole one of her sister’s pens and opened her notebook.

“I understand this part but this term here is just difficult.”

Ruby wasn’t really here to ask what was going on, instead, she was looking at the display of Dia’s computer and the Skype messages that were coming in - Kanan’s messages. So, Kanan and Dia did really still talk a lot...or at least it seemed like it.

Good for Kanan, maybe she could get her sister. Maybe Kanan could get the girl of her dreams for once…

Ruby felt more anger start to form in her stomach and she shook her head, looking down at her sister as she tried to explain the math to her, things that she already knew. After all, she wasn’t the smartest kid in her class without reason.

She did wonder though, what was Kanan doing right now? Did she get into college?

* * *

 

"You can do this…” Kanan clapped her hands together and glanced at her exam paper on the table below her. She closed her eyes and sighed, she didn’t think this would be so hard. She didn’t think her heart would be beating out of her throat.

She heard the professor give the okay and everyone around her simultaneously flips the page. She swallowed hard, opened her eyes, and turned her own paper. Everything before her was so hazy, so blurry. This was...stress. God, she had studied so much for this, so why? Why was she stressing so much now? Shouldn’t she be ready for this?

She looked down at her paper again and sighed, she wouldn’t be able to do it like this. Not like this with her hands shaking and her eyesight too blurry to even distinguish questions.

She looked further down and was about to raise her hand when she noticed the small pendant hanging from her necklace. The small silver dolphin, the one Ruby had given her when she got out the hospital when they were dating. When Kanan had promised to change for her...

_“Don’t you understand?!? I always wanted you to be happy! I always wanted you to love me like I loved you!”_

Kanan closed her eyes again and exhaled deeply through her nose. Then, when she opened her eyes again, the lines weren’t blurry anymore. She could read them clearly.

She picked up her pen and started to read the questions, they were easy, they were doable. This wasn’t hard at all. Question, after question she could easily answer. Even the harder ones weren’t too complicated.

Kanan left the hall feeling satisfied. She reached into her bag and pulled out a letter. ‘To Ruby’ it read, a new year’s card. She had one for Dia too, but it wasn’t nearly as extravagant as the one for Ruby. The one for Ruby had stickers and glitter and pretty colours, while Dia’s card was bland and generic.

Once outside Kanan made her way to the nearest post office to drop off the letters for her friends now residing in America.

Perhaps it was better this way. Ruby was probably happier there, she probably had more freedom there, and memories that didn’t hurt so much.

* * *

 

 _“I want to make you happy!”_ _“_

_Well you didn’t do a very good job before, did you?”_

“Ruby, Kanan-san, and Mari-san have sent us letters for new years. I left them in the hallway!” Dia called out to her. Ruby took off her shoes and hung up her coat before looking at the letters that were on the table. One of them was decorated with lollipop stickers, one was decorated with glitters.

She didn’t know which one was from Kanan, she wanted to tear that one to shreds before even reading it. But she didn’t know which one it was, she turned both of the cards envelopes around, but they both had the address of the same post office it had been sent from.

So now, Ruby had to make a bet on which one it was, the one with the lollipop stickers or the one with the glitters? Obviously, Mari was ‘shiny’ so she would send an envelope with glitters right? But that would be too easy, Mari always puts maximum effort into her work, and knowing how lazy Kanan was, she had probably just thrown some glitters over the envelope and that was that.

She took her chance and grabbed the lollipop envelope, tearing open the upper side and pulling the card out, it was a handmade card with glitters decorating the sweets on the front, more lollipop stickers. She opened it, to find neat handwriting. She wanted to instantly look at the bottom, to see the sender but decided against it.

_“Dear Ruby,_

_Happy New year! How is America? Are you and Dia enjoying yourself? I’m doing a lot better over here.”_

Ruby wanted to tear the letter to shreds already. It was Kanan, just the way she spoke was enough to realise this wasn’t Mari’s letter, but rather, Kanan’s. She bit her lip and decided to continue reading, she could always ritually destroy it later.

_“I just got out of my entrance exam, I’m in Tokyo! Heh. I think I did pretty well, hopefully, you’re doing very good too! Once I hear if I got in, I’ll text Dia or you, okay? If that’s okay with you! Anyway, Mari and I are probably going to be rooming together. We had a fight just after you guys left, but we’re friends again. All that’s left is a scar on the inside of my wrist, hahaha. We’ve been doing well here! I’m pretty content with my life right now, a lot more content than I was before.”_

“See, you don’t need me at all,” Ruby muttered, wanting to drop the letter now, simply out of respect she continued reading.

_“But….I really miss you. I know you said farewell forever but, I just...I want to meet you again. Sorry, that was selfish. I know you’re probably having the time of your life there. How’s that guy your parents are...forcing you to marry? Is he not a complete jerk? Does he buy you flowers? Does he make you happy? Mari told me about him. If he’s a jerk tell me okay? I’ll come fight him._

_I really miss you, Ruby, I hope whatever you’re doing, that you’re happy now._

_Greets, Kanan.”_

A little dolphin sticker was next to Kanan’s name and Ruby sighed, she put the letter down on top of Mari’s unopened envelope when her eyes caught the last line.

_“P.S, I sent you the gift I was going to give you for your birthday, it should be in the envelope. I understand if you don’t want it. Bye, Bye.”_

Ruby looked into the envelope, and surely she found a little pendant inside. When it was fully out of the envelope she saw that it was a handmade one, a lollipop made out of silver, this probably cost Kanan a small fortune to make, weeks of work at least.

Ruby sighed loudly, placing the pendant down on top of the card and sinking down against the wall, burying her head into her knees. Why couldn’t Kanan have just been like this when they dated? Why couldn’t Kanan have just been this loving and considerate when they were going out? The nerve of that woman…

Ruby got up, went into the living room, grabbed a spare card from a drawer and a pen. She was going to tell her. Roast her.

* * *

 

_“All I ever wanted, was to make you happy! That’s what’s important to me! Seeing you happy is what makes me happy!”_

Kanan stepped into her apartment, holding up a letter and scanning it over.

“What’s that?” Mari said as she peeked into the hallway. She turned the corner, wearing some shorts and a loose t-shirt. She took the envelope from Kanan’s hand quickly and turned it over, scanning the address.

“‘Merica huh? Seems like someone has a foreign admirer~ is it Dia-chan?” Mari laughed, tossing the envelope back to Kanan quickly, who caught it and growled at the joker. Mari shrugged her shoulders and went back into their living room.

Kanan stepped out of her shoes and hung up her coat before tearing open the envelope. She pulled out a card, one with a large dolphin on the front. Kanan smiled at it, but it was a bittersweet smile. Considering Ruby send a card back at all, made Kanan realise that she was probably going to be destroyed. 

The handwriting was too neat and curly for it to be Dia. Kanan swallowed hard before starting to read the letter.

_“Dear Kanan-Chan,_

_Happy new year's to you too! Onee-chan and I are doing great here in America, there’s still a bunch of stuff we’re getting used to over here. School is hard on sis, but she’s trying her best regardless, though I’m sure you know since you guys skype so much.”_

Kanan wasn’t sure if that was a burn or not but it certainly stung her heart a little.

_“I’m glad you’re going to college, no joke. I’m happy you and Mari are rooming together as well, I don’t want you to get lonely, as hypocritical as that sounds. Part of me still wants you to be happy and content, so I’m glad you are. Anyway, about the guy, he’s nice, he does his best to make me happy and even though he can’t quite capture my heart, because he’s a guy, he’s still trying his best regardless, well he’s trying more than you ever did while we dated.”_

That certainly was a burn. A bad one at that. Kanan could feel her heart melt, not in a good way, in the way that burned her throat and made her heart beat twice as fast.

_“But I appreciate the card, it shows me that you actually give at least a little shit about our friendship. I’m glad you still care about me. I want to see Mari-chan again and I guess visiting you at the same time wouldn’t be too bad. Perhaps over summer break, we’ll be back for a little. It’ll be good to see how much has changed. How much you’ve changed.”_

Kanan was about to start crying again, choking back tears. She hard Mari yelling from the couch.

“I swear to god Matsuura if you start crying again! It’s been over half a year, get a grip”

_“Kanan-Chan, do you still regret everything? Have you gotten over me yet? Have you decided to date, anyone? You deserve to be content and happy, I’ve always wanted to see you happy too, y’know? I just hope you realise now that I can make my own decisions, that I’m not a baby anymore and that I can take care of myself._

_I hope you stay safe and well, until the next time we meet. ( When I meet Mari-chan again and you invite yourself )_

_Greets,_

_Your friend Ruby Kurosawa._

_P.S: I’m keeping the pendant since I actually like it and it’d be a waste of money to send it back if you’re not gonna use it.”_

Kanan put a hand over her mouth and stifled a laugh, soon enough though she was laughing her ass off. Ruby had completely and utterly roasted her, yes but she had done it in such a way that it wasn’t exactly hurtful. It didn’t hurt her feelings as much as it should have maybe.

Perhaps because Kanan had the reality sink in. What her mistakes over the last year meant. She hadn’t just lost Ruby, she had lost Dia and Aqours. Thanks to her own mistakes most of Aqours looked at her differently now. Her grades almost caused her to fail the year, entrance exams were hell and she still had therapy sessions every single week.

Now, that she was studying to become a marine biologist, with Mari studying business management in the same city, it all seemed a little better.

Kanan made her way into the living room, holding up the letter. “Hey Mari, look at this. Ruby and Dia are coming over this summer. Ruby roasted me completely, by the way. That girl has guts.” Kanan leaned over the couch, handing the card to Mari and letting her read it. The girl erupted into giggles, clutching her stomach tightly.

“The part where she’s like ‘At least he tries to make me happy, unlike you!’ Oh, Kanan, she got you good!” Mari chuckled, a smile forming on her lips as she put the card on the table in front of the tv. She scooted over and Kanan climbed over the couch, plopping down next to her.

Mari instantly leaned her shoulder against Kanan in a friendly manner, nuzzling her a little.

“I’m happy for you Kanan, it seems she wants to get friendly again with you, that’s good, right?” Kanan leaned against Mari as well, enjoying the warmth of her friend.

“Yes. I’m happy. I’m happy she’s happy now. I should have felt like this from the very beginning, then perhaps she would still be in Japan with us.” Kanan sighed. Mari elbowed her, narrowing her eyes at her.

“The past is the past just _let it go!_ ” Mari didn’t except for Kanan to have another laughing fit at those words, but she did. She settled back against the couch and sighed loudly.

“Perhaps I should have let her go much faster. She seems to be doing a lot better now, without me. I’m glad.”

“Well, you know what they say right?” Kanan glanced at her, questioning.

“If you love her, let her go.”

_“Please Kanan-Chan. Please just stop bothering me. I love you, but this hurts.”_

_“Goodbye, Ruby-chan. Be safe.”_

_“Be happy.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love roasting myself and crying lolol I'm a fuck-up what else is new


End file.
